Many people these days are getting super into doomsday prepping. Why? Because, everywhere you go, and every time you look at the news, the end times feel near. So maybe you have some water stocked up, a first aid kit. Or maybe just some cash and a revolver in a fanny pack. But no matter how many life straws you own, I bet you any money you don’t have an APOCALYPSE PLAYLIST.
And you totally need one. Because nothing demands a righteous soundtrack like your final death shamble in the midst of a nuclear winter. Nothing screams “Playlist” like reaching your arms out to the sky as a giant meteor takes you out. You’ve got energy bars and water, but you’re gonna need some TUNES to either drown out the sirens and/or the rattling of your own lungs as they fill with fluids. You need some departure music! Carefully curated to lift you off this scorched earth, and into the angelic realms.
Yes. I’m talking about the MASTER MOTHERSCRATCHER of all playlists: THE APOCALYPSE 100. Chock full of songs that bring you back to childhood. Songs that you never tire of no matter how many listens. Songs that would be PERFECT for a doomsday scenario where you have to shoot someone over a can of beans.
I myself have been working steadily on my apocalypse playlist since November 6th, 2016 when I looked out into the horizon and saw the pale horse of death. Then I realized it was just a cloud. And also I was super stoned. BUT STILL I SAW IT AS A SIGN TO BEGIN MY END TIMES PREPARATIONS and that meant putting together my EXIT MUSIC.
See, the way I see it, there are five main potential extinction events facing us right now:
1- NUCLEAR ATTACK (vaporization) If a nuclear attack happened in our country, I sure hope I would be right in the middle of the mushroom cloud. That way, I’d be vaporized before I knew what hit me (but I’m assuming I’d still have at least half an of warning sirens to cue up my playlist.)
1-NUCLEAR ATTACK (nuclear winter) Being poisoned by nuclear fallout sounds like a really shitty way to go. In addition to shitting and barfing continuously, pieces of your rotting skin will literally slough off your body like a snake. The skin under that will be glowing green, and that is the final stage before death. That’s why I have a cyanide pill and kilo of heroin in my bug-out bag, just in case this scenario plays out. Good luck with
2- PANDEMIC/CONTAGION: (actually happening and relevant!) – Whether it’s the Rona, or some other hideous bug, we could fall prey to something sinister and highly contagious. It amazes me that people don’t know how vulnerable their meat sacks are! But deadly contagions don’t really care how “tough” you think you are, or if you pray to Jesus for protection. The and they don’t play. So, make sure to add some good music to your Apocalypse Playlist that will drown out the sirens and the wails from your dying neighbors, as you walk down the street in your plague mask and gloves.
3- GIANT METEOR: (my favorite!) Even better than dancing in the nuclear mushroom cloud–being squashed by a giant meteor! Hopefully there will be at least a little warning for this, so you get a chance to stand on your favorite hillside with your arms raised and have your playlist poised to knock you out of the galaxy.
4- RESOURCE WARS: According to most scientists, we really don’t have more than 15 years at the most to support the current population and demand for resources. Industrial agriculture has ravaged the land, droughts and floods are becoming more frequent, and that means there’ll be less of everything to go around. What I think is people will eventually go bonkers and start scrapping in the street over a bar of soap or can of chili. And that will lead to all sorts of unfortunate antics, all of which you need a playlist for!
Perhaps you have a different idea about how it might all end (robo-clowns? bio-weapons? aliens?) and that’s cool. Just remember, whatever scenario you game out, there could be hundreds of song choices to match, so make each choice count! You only get 100 (that’s the rule.)
So what are you waiting for? Now is as good a time as any to start putting together your Apocalypse Playlist. Don’t get nuked without accompanying music!
Below, is a snippet of my very own playlist! And if you want to see the playlist in its entirety, and/or hear more about it, I’ll be doing an Apocalypse Playlist deep dive over on my Patreon Page!